By Sam Mathius
I’ll be frank: we need something to lighten the mood. The last few weeks haven’t exactly been hunky dory. They’ve been whatever the opposite of hunky dory is. (Dunky hory? That sounds dirty.) We, the Liverpool family, are in dire need of a large dose of smile, stat. As we all know, there is one thing in the world that unequivocally makes people happy: a good head of hair.
So forget the last three Premier League matches happened and reminisce on legends of old, look back at so-so players of not so long ago, and analyze a current fledgling who all have some seriously entertaining hair.
One of the original modern superstar players in the game, the lad had some great hair follicles. His bushy mulletesque hairdo was the paradigm for the 70s era star. Sometimes curly, sometimes flat, it was a style that marked the emergence of the flash athlete. To be honest, several players from the 70s and 80s could be here but Keegan was the most front-and-center lad of them all, on the field and off. We could have put down Mark Lawrenson, however his mustache carried part of the load so that was taken into consideration. Still, he does deserve some credit for that thing. And he got in here along with two other Red men. Eighteen titles, five European Cups, and one Mustache Crown: now that’s a trophy cabinet.
He was a terrific winger who epitomized the “Spice Boys” label with his red locks and penchant for the nutmeg. Watching his locks blow in the wind was a beautiful sight for Liverpool fans. Even today we are lucky enough to get the chance to admire the man’s picturesque hair when he hits the commentary box with Ian Darke on ESPN. Still, it’s a fantastic sight to see… as long as you put the TV on mute. Hopefully he will learn that “I just don’t get it, Ian,” and “There’s nothing in that at all,” should not be used in running commentary more than a dozen times a match. That probably won’t happen. So the nice hair will have to do.
There’s no particular order here but this guy is the unanimous number one, no question. One of the few players to make the jump from Everton to Liverpool, his shocking and exciting blond hair has to be marked as one of the reasons he was able to make the move. We may hate Toffees, but good lord that hair more than makes up for his blue half. Not much in the way of actual style, but he gets points for the shock value alone.
Where Xavier left off, Cisse took over, inserting style into the blond dye fad. In essence, he gave it some direction, a purpose. The dude always keeps everything fresh, and his hair is no exception. One week it would be a maze, the next it would be a Mohawk. He probably had more hair styles in his stint at Anfield than goals (24) but two broken legs had a major part to play in that. Even as his leg was reset on the field against Blackburn resulting in excruciating pain, the dude looked fresh as only the Lord of the Manor of Frodsham can. You don’t just knock around with Fat Joe if you ain’t a boss.
Rumor has it that scientists have been studying Henderson’s hair for several years now. Just how it is able to keep its coifed shape after 90 minutes of full, sweaty sprints is truly remarkable. Yes, there was some serious debate among The Red Letter bloggers about this one. It was between Martin Kelly* and Hendo but upon further review, we just couldn’t find good pictures to justify Kelly’s inclusion. However, he certainly gets an honorable mention nod due to this season’s early hairstyling. Even if it’s true that “Henderson has had the same hairdo since he was eight,” as Peter Karl claims, it’s probably because he found something solid and stuck with it. It’s simple. It’s classy. It’s got a cool little comb-over wave thing. What’s great to see is that two of our youngsters are poised to step into the spotlight in this type of commercial… maybe.
*Let’s play a game: which picture in this gallery doesn’t belong? Winner gets a cookie.
If there is one thing I’ve learned in life it’s that people have strong opinions on hair. (Seriously, I never went to school.) So, let’s hear the debate below, people. Don’t be shy. Who should be on the list? Who shouldn’t be on the list?